LeadTime#14 - Developing Soft Skills in Technical People
How to work with a senior developer who resists soft skill development? What can help them see this as essential rather than optional? How to balance technical and soft skill development?
Hi, this newsletter is a weekly challenge for engineers thinking about management. I'm Péter Szász, writing about Engineering Leadership and training aspiring and first-time managers on this path.
In this newsletter, I pose a weekly EM challenge and leave it as a puzzle for you to think about before the next issue, where I share my thoughts on it.
Last Week's Challenge
Last week, we explored a situation where a technically strong but sometimes abrasive senior developer resisted adding communication skills to his development goals. Read the details here if you missed it.
I'll approach this situation with my usual framework:
Goals to Achieve
Support his overall growth: My fundamental goal is to help Leon develop towards a better version of himself. His technical skills already exceed expectations — what's limiting his impact and career progression are his soft skills. I want to help him overcome these obstacles while maintaining his technical enthusiasm.
Agreement on the problem: Before we can start to make progress, Leon must acknowledge that his communication style is an issue worth addressing. Currently, it feels like he perceives it as his intrinsic characteristic, something he cannot do much about. Without this agreement, any development plan will have much less chance to succeed.
Team execution: Improving Leon's ability to collaborate effectively with both technical and non-technical teammates will make the entire team more efficient. The way he reviews code, explains complex concepts, and interacts with other departments all impact our ability to deliver.
Establish clear expectations: I want Leon to demonstrate what "good" looks like for a senior engineer in our organization, both technically and behaviorally. This sets standards not just for him but for the entire team, especially less experienced members who might see him as a role model.
Risks to Avoid
Losing his trust: If Leon perceives me as pushing some "bullshit agenda" that he doesn't value, I'll lose my ability to influence his development. He needs to see me as an ally in his growth, not an obstacle.
Pushing him away: If handled poorly, Leon might decide the organization doesn't value his technical contributions enough and start to look elsewhere. Given his strengths and potential, that would be a significant loss.
Overemphasizing weaknesses: Following a strengths-based development approach does not mean solely focusing on fixing deficiencies. The goal isn't to transform Leon into someone he's not, but to help him use his strengths to navigate his blind spots.
Taking ownership of his development: If I dictate goals without his buy-in, they become mere tasks without the motivational and accountability aspects that make development effective. Leon must own his growth.
Tolerating problematic behavior: The easy (lazy) approach would be to isolate Leon, limiting his interactions while leveraging his technical skills. This approach would not only stunt his growth but also set a dangerous example for the team about what behaviors are acceptable.
5 Questions
What are Leon's longer-term career aspirations? Understanding what Leon ultimately wants helps frame the conversation. If he aims for an eventual Staff Engineer promo, I can directly connect soft skills to that path. If he wants a bigger technological impact, I can show how communication enables that influence. Even if he wants to "just code," I can discuss how the changing nature of work (think about AI) means technical skills alone won't be sufficient long-term.
Is Leon operating with a fixed mindset about soft skills? His statement "I'm an engineer, not a people person" suggests he might see soft skills as innate rather than learnable. How can I help him understand that soft skills — like communication, empathy, collaboration, adaptability, and emotional intelligence — are not fixed traits, but abilities that can be developed and strengthened with intentional practice, just like technical skills? Are there examples of colleagues who've made similar journeys that might serve as proof points? Maybe I can share my own development path?
How can I connect soft skills to his technical success? Leon cares deeply about technical excellence and efficiency. How can I help him see that his soft skill limitations actively hinder his technical impact? For example, if his ideas aren't communicated clearly during architectural discussions, they won't be implemented regardless of their merit. If his code reviews alienate teammates, his technical guidance loses effectiveness. Additionally, the negative image he creates through his style means people take his thoughts with skepticism, making it harder for him to convey even the best ideas.
Does Leon understand career progression and baseline expectations? As engineers advance from Senior to Staff and beyond, technical skills become table stakes while influence, communication, and leadership become differentiators. Has Leon studied our career ladder? To take it a step further, does he understand that certain behaviors aren't just hindering advancement, but they fall below the requirements for his current position? Being disrespectful could be considered a performance issue regardless of technical prowess. This could be more than "nice to have" skills, and rather about meeting fundamental job expectations.
How can we integrate soft skills as primary goals to be achieved by using his technical interests? Rather than treating soft skills as secondary additions to technical goals, how can we frame them as the primary focus while using his technical interests as the vehicle? For instance, instead of "mastering a new framework", the goal becomes "delivering a workshop to the team" that requires learning the framework. The open source goal could be "having a contribution merged" — which requires understanding the social dynamics of open source communities, where clear communication and respectful interactions are often as important as code quality. By the way, the experience of having technically sound contributions rejected due to poor communication or not following community norms might also help Leon empathize with colleagues who feel dismissed by his current communication style.
Did I miss any important aspects of motivating soft skill development in technical team members? Have you handled similar situations with technically strong but interpersonally challenging developers? Let me know how those went in the comments!
This Week's Challenge
Your team's atmosphere has noticeably darkened since the company's disappointing quarterly results announcement a few weeks ago. Where conversations once flowed with optimism, they're now punctuated with cynical remarks during meetings. Two particularly vocal senior engineers have started openly criticizing decisions from upper management, and others silently nod along. The CEO's vague all-hands message about "getting back to basics" offered few specific plans, and a new project your engineers were excited about have been quietly deprioritized.
As the Engineering Manager, you're caught in an uncomfortable position. While you understand, sometimes even share some of your team's frustrations, the spreading negativity is affecting morale and productivity, which risks delivery on your current projects. You've also noticed that newer team members appear increasingly uncomfortable and uncertain during team discussions.
Think about what your goals would be and what risks you'd like to avoid in this situation. I'll share my thoughts next week. If you don't want to miss it, sign up here to receive those and similar weekly brain-teasers in the future as soon as they are published:
Until then, here's a small, not obviously related, but either way, quite inspiring quote:
See you next week,
Péter